For Sergiu

Where do the good ones go?
Where do tears go once they finish
rolling down your face?
What is it we do with the pain,
with the feeling of loss?
What is the appropriate reaction to death,
to the helplessness left inside?
When is it ok to stop crying,
to stop grieving, to just adapt to the sorrow
and learn to live with it?
"This is supposed to make you appreciate life", they say...
"You have to seize every moment and make it count." ...
But in my heart, I know, these are just things
people tell themselves to prevent them from
feeling as much pain...
Death doesn't make any sense, or
It makes as much sense as life itself.
It's all so random...
We hurt so much, for so many reasons... Is this a
test? If it is, it's a cruel one!
Losing a friend, just like that,
someone that in some way has touched your life
and made it better...
Someone that made a difference,
and then it's over.
You cease having everything you took for granted,
´cause that's what us pittyfull humans with our free will do,
we take what matters for granted.
Maybe that is the lesson, but does it have to hurt like this?
He is gone and life is worse now...
Twenty seven years past from the time he
took his first breath coming into this world,
and something made him took his last...
We can't talk to him anymore,
no more birthday messages, no more Christmas cheer
and new year wishes over the phone.
My heart is heavy,
with sadness and regret,
and with pitty for a world that has lost
yet another good soul.
But my heart is also greatful for having had,
short timed as it was,
such a wonderful someone as part of my life!

I hope that this journey we make
does have some kind of purpose, some sense,
and that somewhere, somehow,
under whatever form,
we can meet once more and never part ways again.
'Till then my friend...

Pentru totdeauna in inima mea

In Memoriam

Sergiu Capatina - Dez 1981- Jan 2009

Today, January 15th, your body has left this earth, but as long as you have friends,
and because you were always such a sweet soul, such a good person, you will Never be forgotten!
We are lonelier now without you in our lives, but we will carry you in our hearts and maybe even have the luck of one day, be as good a person as you were.
Thank you for being my friend and allowing me to be a little part of your life.
Missing you already brave [Ph]BladeQue!
27 years is too short of a life...


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I miss me...

I miss me from back then...
Back then when the smell of flowers
still stired my heart, when I woke up and the birds
chirping away outside would let me know all would be alright.
I miss me running out the door, knowing that there
was a whole world of possibilities outside,
just waiting for me to pick one and make it my own.
I miss wearing sun faded pinkish jeans
and walking my street like I owned it.
I miss sitting on the steps of a building,
leaning against someone's knee,
listening to endless conversations about nothing,
and just feeling safe.
I miss the way people talked about my smile,
or how my hair was picked up by the wind...
I miss the smell of soap in freshly hand washed clothes,
and I miss the confort of coming home,
of belonging and having the feeling I was
designed for greater things.
I miss my grandmother's lap, i miss her voice,
which I can only now remember in my dreams.
I miss the playground games,
my first kiss, my first heart break...
I miss walking under heavy rain with my face up to the sky.
I miss my dog and the way he'd greet me everytime
I'd get home.
I miss not having a care in the world,
singing and dancing like there was no tomorrow,
but being sure that tomorrow would come again.
I miss high school dances and garage parties,
I miss writing a boy's name in my notebook, over and over again...
I miss mistreating boys for not letting be one of them.
I miss the grunge times, when Nirvana was all we'd listen to.
I miss going to the beach when it was still clean enough,
hidding and telling secrets under flannel shirts...
I miss not being afraid of showing who I am.
I miss me... and I want me back!