I had a dream...

Being as I am, weakned, but not defeated,
Sometimes, just sometimes, I find myself at night,
Letting my mind wander... and wander it does.
And to what seems to me to be a blink of an eye,
Took hours to process, crossed away through time like a knife,
The same knife that I feel in my heart twisting,
calling me back...
I come back, after some state of sleepness,
that just seemed so real,
And it's your face i see.
Last night it happened,
After I let myself fall into the relm of dreams,
And I came back to "real life" screaming your name,
Crying for you, cause I couldn't reach you...
"They" say your fears manifest themselves
in your dreams as well...
One of mine is to lose you, to be far from you
And not be able to get a hold of you...
So my instinct was to call you that very moment.
Past 6am. I called you and heard
Your sleepy voice on the other end...
And I could breathe again..
... you were there, here, close, safe and mine.
I Love You!

We'll make it baby :)

When my words are missing, I just find them in what someone else said or sung about.
I dedicated this song to you 2 years ago, in a karaoke bar and I mean it. We'll make it baby, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you believe that again, cause "I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be, A reason to start over new, and the reason is you"

"The Reason", by Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is YOU!

Adoro-te Marco!

Love is the Key!

These are the owners of my heart
The ones I love and respect,
The ones that have shown me the way to live
Through their experience or the innocence of a smile
These are the ones I owe my life to,
The ones that made me see what I would miss if I let myself wander lost as I was...
These are the ones whose pride I long for,
These are the people that have never given up on me,
These are the ones who love me, no matter what...
And for that they have my eternal love,
for the world is a dark, lonely and cruel place to the ones
that shut love out!
Love is indeed the key to it all!

Merry X-mas if you believe

Life

Foi em Maio de 98 (It was in May of 98)

Queima das Fitas - Maio 1998

Incendiou-me com um beijo de paixão repleto,
com a frescura da idade da sedução,

em que o perigo é não viver tudo o que a vida oferece.

Senti, sem vergonha,

o preenchimento do âmago, da luxúria e do desejo...

...brutalizou-me a imaginação,

areia, mar, dois corpos, suor e chuva!

Naufraguei no misto de prazer e temor,

Deixei-me levar nas ondas de luz e música alta que rebatiam na minha pele sem piedade!

Cerrei os olhos,

Mordi os lábios,

Senti o toque forte e aveludado

De umas mãos com que tinha sonhado,

E voltei a viver!

... vivo... na maré alta,

No cume da montanha,

No desabrochar da Flor de Maio

E inspiro lufadas de ar perfumadas,

Por uma primavera que não chega,

Mas que por fim, encontrei no teu olhar.

Agarro-te o cabelo, preso ao futuro

Que próximo, parece tão longe,

E anseio os gemidos

Que quero sentir contigo!

(10/05/1998)

When we kiss

"I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.

I still feel your touch in my dreams.

Forgive me my weakness,

But I don't know why

Without you it's hard to survive.

Cause everytime we touch,

I get this feeling

And everytime we kiss,

I swear I could fly.

Can't you feel my heart beat fast,

I want this to last,

Need you by my side.

Cause everytime we touch,

I feel the static

And everytime we kiss,

I reach for the sky.

Can't you hear my heart beat so,

I can't let you go.Want you in my life."

What if...

I keep thinking...
What if one day, your eyes will just suddenly open,
and you'll realise I'm not that special...?
What if you see how broken I am,
and what if you measure the amount of damage
that has done to you already?
What then?
What do I do if one night, while you're laying awake,
waiting for sleep to come, your heart just recognizes
how you don't need me, and I just die in your eyes?
What if after 10 years, you stop seeing the fire in me,
the spark that you lit the night we met?
I promise you it is still inside me, flickering,
dreading the wind...
Somehow, somewhere in time, I stopped fueling that fire,
but yes, it is still here, but...
What if it will be too late when I finaly end this fight with myself,
and you won't be there anymore so I can share it with you...?
Stages of love come like waves, they act as the tides in us,
influenced not by the moon, but by time, and time is relentless,
Time is cruel and always against us...
What if a fatal wave comes,
with that undying strength of the ocean,
and erases me from your heart
leaving only a scar, a memory of me?
What then?
I'm still fighting with myself,
I'm still fighting for you!

To Mak...

I never promised you a ray of light

I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday

I'll give you everything I have,

The good, the bad

Why do you put me on a pedestal?

I'm so up high that i cant see the ground below

So help me down, you've got it wrong

I dont belong there

One thing is clear I wear a halo,

I wear a halo when you look at me

But standing from here

You wouldnt say so, you wouldnt say so

If you were me and I,

I just wanna love you

Whoa whoa I, I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes

I'm only human and thats my saving grace

I'll fall as hard as I try

So dont be blinded

See me as I really am

I have flaws and sometimes I even sin

So pull me from that pedestal

I dont belong there

One thing is clear I wear a halo,

I wear a halo

When you look at me

But standing from here,

You wouldnt say so,

You wouldnt say so if you were me

And I, I just wanna love you

Whoa whoa I, I just wanna love you

Like you think that you know me

But in your eyes

I am something above you

Only in your mind

Only in your mind

I wear, I wear,

I wear a halo

One thing is clear

I wear a halo

I wear a halo when you look at me

But standing from here,

You wouldnt say so

You wouldnt say so if you were me

And I, I just wanna love you

Whoa whoa I , I just wanna love you

hey ha ha halo

(Song by Bethany Joy Lenz - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixGNoS-HCtU&feature=PlayList&p=1CA230A29EC433CA&playnext=1&index=57 )

Watching the world...

Within my silence

Within my silence,
there's a scream left and lost,
i did not scream it when the pain flew through me
i did not scream it when the chance was there and
the pain was whole... and now, scattered all over my body,
as autumn leaves on the floor... it knives every inch of me,
it shames me and reminds me at every waking moment
of the one thing that could have actualy saved me from myself,
the one thing that could have had some purpose in this existence of mine..
What if it's true, what if i did let slip away the one chance I had at experiencing
eternal love, at being someone that mattered...
The scream remains and will remain here,
Within my silence.

Despair

Porto is like this today, with that look of despair and abandonment, on its knees, under the heavens that cry the shades of grey that surround it. Cries the Invicta and cries my soul inside, she also on her knees, not submissive, but without strength, waiting for a Sun which is not a star, but one that will bring back the warmth and glow I've always had in me...


Desespero
Está o Porto hoje assim, com aquele ar de desespero e abandono, prostrado, sob os céus, que choram os tons de cinza que o rodeiam. Chora a Invicta e chora a minha alma por dentro, também ela de joelhos, não submissa, mas sem forças, à espera de um sol que não é estrela, mas que traga de novo o calor e o brilho que sempre tive dentro de mim...

Apetece-me gritar

Do dia para a noite a minha vida mudou... mudou e nem sei explicar bem como. Sei que estou a tentar que mude para melhor, só não sei se estou a conseguir. Sinto-me "atolada" em projectos ou pseudo-projectos. Quero fazer tantas coisas e não posso. Não sou uma pessoa calma, e deixo que as mais pequenas coisas me afectem. Neste momento é a busca de emprego, busca essa que passa por talvez ter quer sair do país. Fico entusiasmada com a ideia e ao mesmo tempo completamente aterrorizada. E em nada ajuda o facto de ser uma naba a seleccionar informação... chego a um ponto que só me apetece gritar e partir o computador com um martelo... tanta coisa para ler, tanta coisa que de um momento para o outro pode decidir tudo para o bem ou para o mal... sinto-me perdida mesmo...

___________________________________________________
I Feel Like Screaming
My life changed from one day to the other... it changed and I can't even really explain how. I know I'm trying to change for the better, I just don't know if im succeeding. I feel swamped in projects, or pseudo-projects. There's so much I want to do and can't. I'm not a calm person, and I let the smallest things affect me. Right now it's the job hunt, which might lead me to leave the country. I get excited about the idea of doing that but at the same time I get completely terrified. And it's no help the fact that I suck at searching for the right information.... I reach a point that I feel like screaming and smashing the computer with a sledgehammer... so much to read, so much that from one moment to the next can decide everything, for better or for worse... I just feel really lost...

Happy holiday

And the cold keeps going... brrrr In this nice holiday, with a bit of sun just enough to fool me, I went out for a quick coffee and ran back home real fast. FC Porto plays versus Academica later and I'd like to go watch the match, but but but... my blood freezes just thinking about staying out in the cold for 90 minutes. It could snow though, at least it would be different, but this ocean's proximity doesn't allow it, so what can you do :( No White Christmas! Have a good holiday if you have the opportunity to enjoy it, preferably near the fireplace :)

Bom Feriado
E o frio continua...brrrrr
Neste belo dia de feriado, com um bocadinho de sol para enganar, já fui à rua tomar um cafézinho e fugi assim muito rápido para casa. O FCP joga mais logo com a Académica, e até gostava de ir ver, mas mas mas.... gela-me o sangue só de pensar em ficar assim mais de 90 minutos ao relento. Podia era nevar, ao menos para ser diferente, mas esta proximidade do mar não deixa, que se há-de fazer :( No White Christmas!
Bom feriado para quem tem oportunidade de o gozar, de preferência, perto da lareira :)